No work

Recently I mentioned that I had become one of the great unwashed, the work shy, or to put it more accurately and not to make myself out a proper waster…’the being paid to stay at home from working at Honda type person’
Well it’s kicked in; I am officially…not working.

I am wondering if any of the other 2 or 3 thousand Honda ‘we are not working brigade’ are reading this crap and having the same type of day as me. Here is how it is going.

10.30 am
Get up. This is not really lazy because I didn’t’ go to bed till 3.00 am.
It’s not easy catching up on a neglected video collection.

Fire up kettle and have first coffee off the day. Coffee is good as a morning drink as it is cheaper than beer or whiskey.
Beer and whiskey are the pleasures of an evening after all, and what’s to get up for? If not in preparation for another jolly evening 7 day weekends are ok when you are not working at Honda, but are, but aren’t.

10.40
Switch on computer to see what is new in the world of cyber space. See if any one is reading this shit. Think about visiting a site designed purely for a gentleman’s relaxation, but don’t. However did you know that short fat beardy people spend an inordinate amount of time looking at and indulging in gentlemen’s relaxation techniques? This is because they have less ability to control base urges, due to their low centre of gravity. Anywho, I digress.

11.00
See if setting your Virgin/Sky plus box has successfully taped Trisha.
Trisha is nice.
If it has, watching Trisha, while still in pyjamas and dressing gown, supping coffee.
If not recorded, watching an episode of Time Team from a era that Tony Robertson still had hair and that sexy woman archaeologist, Carenza was still on the programme getting slightly dirty digging, but having an inordinate dirty, not slightly, effect on me.

11.35,
After Trisha/Time Team, before having a bath/shower, deciding I definitely look shite in ‘the Missus’s’ undies. Or is that just me.
Don’t you people bath/shower?


12.00
More coffee, Loose women on ITV1 while wrapped in towel. Or if warm enough, boxers..Why bother dressing? If you dirty clothes you will only have to wash and iron them.
Ironing and washing badly are new skills I have been blessed with and am learning how to avoid.

1.30 ish
But dressed, because ‘The Missus’ comes home for lunch around this time.

Watch Jeremy Kyle. Because even though you are going to be on 60% of your wages in a few weeks you like to feel better about your self by watching the human traffic on this show, knowing that even on 60% wages, you will still buy shampoo and soap and will not buy all your clothes from Primart.

2.15
More coffee, ‘The Missus’ goes back to work so I rearrange stuff around areas where ‘The Missus’ is likely to look when she returns, like near the biscuit tin, by the kettle and next to the Rum bottle. The reason..to look like I have been doing something all day. Well she’s been doing for years and fooling me. As if I give a shit.

2.16
Watch the second Jeremy Kyle of the day on ITV 2. Feel even better because you truly believe your offspring are your own, without the benefit of a DNA test.

3.00
Think that maybe 3.00 ish is not too early for just one beer.

The rest of the day will have to wait till next time. You can though compare with your day, is this all ok? Do you put your time to better use?


Because we are all mates, here’s a gem.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer?

The Rolling Stones sing: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.'

And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.