Mr Grumpy Goes to the village fete.

Mr Grumpy goes to the village fete.

Mr Grumpy is going to the village fete. ‘The Missus’ packs a banana and jam sandwich for gutsy Mr Grumpy. Doesn’t ‘The Missus’ sound kind? Funny old English language.

‘The Missus’ says “have a nice day but behave yourself”. Mr Grumpy says he will. See the glint in his eye.

Mr Grumpy has promised a lift to two of the local WI ladies who will be entering the same fruit, veg and garden competition as Mr Grumpy. Mr Grumpy likes 'the older lady'.

Mr Grumpy carefully packs his Victoria plum samples and his giant marrow into the dusty car boot then sets off.

When Mr Grumpy arrives at the ladies house, the garden path is blocked by their prize exhibits in large plant pots. Worse still it’s started to rain. Lucky Mr Grumpy is wearing his wellys. Clever old Mr Grumpy.

Mrs Frontage sees Mr Grumpy arriving and shouts from the window. “Hello there, come round the back, our plants are ready there on the path but we'll have a cuppa before we go. Besides this shower will water the plants nicely”. Mr Grumpy sees the large plants are getting damp from the rain and skips round the back as instructed.

Mr Grumpy sits at the table with Mrs Frontage and Mrs Jones. Mrs Jones is from Wales. See the wild look in her eyes, there’s a welcome in her valley.

“Do you like your cake Mr Grumpy, it’s spiced fruit dumpling. I’m entering it in the cake competition again, and I won last year”, says Mrs Jones. Greedy Mr Grumpy does like the cake it is very spicy though.

Mrs Frontage says “those are nice wellys Mr Grumpy; you can’t beat the real thing. My boots are leather and look, they chaff a bit and hurt, I really love proper wellys”.

Soon it is time to go. Mr Grumpy loads the car and the ladies comment on Mr Grumpy’s competition entries. “That marrow is one of the best I've seen, and if you don’t mind I'll use my hanky to polish your fruit up a bit”. Mr Grumpy says thanks to Mrs Frontage as she uses a bit of spit and polish and they set off to the fete.

Mr Grumpy wins second prize with his marrow but soon it is time to go home.

‘The Missus’ asks how the day went.
“‘Well”, says Mr Grumpy, “first I picked up two of the WI ladies. Their bushes were so big and wet I had to use the back door. Mrs Jones' dumplings were lovely, they really made my eyes water. Mrs Frontage was admiring my boots. Whilst she showed me her well worn parts, she told me she’s always preferred a rubber upper. Later she said my prizewinner was the biggest she'd ever seen whilst she wiped my plums with tissue”.

Can you imagine the strangest place to put a prize-winning marrow without the benefit of lubricant? ‘The Missus’ can. Poor Mr Grumpy.