Theres something brewing....

coming soon....watch this space.

What’s this?.....

Tonight we will be showing you this,...10 mins....and later this...10 mins......but first this....10.mins. Ads. Tonight we showed you this....10mins, later we are going to show you this...10 mins...but before that, this.....10 mins...ad's. tonight we showed you this...10..mins...then we showed you this...10 mins...after we are going to show what we showed you at the start...10 mins...but first what we showed you we were going to show you before...so here it is before the other bit....zzzzzzzzzz....now the last bit, ads.. We showed you all the bits we have showed you before, the bits we are going to show you next week, the bits we are going to show you before the end. Ad’s. ....next week...this.....

IT’S EVERY FOOKING TV SHOW ON AT THE MOMENT !!!!!!!!

OK. I am a grumpy git.

I haven’t written much lately. I have been calm, I have a new job, I don’t have to do my old job, life has been good, I can’t believe I’m being paid to do what I’m doing, Short fat beardy bloke has been behaving and not bothering sheep as per his court order.

Life is good .....but buggeration....I can’t take it no more....no....someone has to feel the sharp end of my blogging tongue....even if no one is reading this shite. And no, it’s not the Adver, I can say shite. There, shite, I’ve said it three times now. And I can start a sentence with and. Twice now and also finished one with and. Well there are no rules here.

’Why am I feeling so enraged? Guess what, I’ll tell you. Be warned, on these pages...swearing is allowed, even thought the intelligent parts of me say I lower the tone by doing so. Ra Ra, the lower tone I say.

No, what has got me to the blowing of steam stage again is today’s news...and I am not going to give it any credence to the ‘story’ by making a link to the story or anything clever like that....no, this is a rant....without proper pronunciation, grammar or reason. No, no fooking links or intelligent reason. My blog, my rules. Oh, yes...dem is da rules

.

What has got this man into this lather I hear you cry, albeit faintly. Well it’s the News tonight ...what else and an advert on around the same time.

So what has got you into this lather you mention Grumpy, I hear you shout (or is that the voices in my head). Its dementia on the news and alcohol adverts.

Now dementia is a terrible thing. The news showed some dedicated old fella tending to his affected wife, whom he must love without question, has loved, and will continue to love. But she was just some poor shadow of a human being or the woman he once thought perfect...and still must.. who he poured tea into and shovelled the odd bit of scoff that missed her chin, into her.

Very touching in every way, i.e., dedication, love, companionship and working to the letter of ‘in sickness and in health’. I would not take the piss out of that man, he is a saint and I admire his capabilities and dedication.

What I find repulsive, abhorrent, disstastfull and unacceptable, is how this dreadful demise in a old lady is the latest tool in the Temperance Society we live in, to try to influence our behaviour.

Here’s my view in a nutshell.

No.....

Drinking booze won’t give you dementia

Smoking fags won’t make you drool

Eating cakes won’t make you forget your wife’s name

Not going to the gym won’t make you think it its 1947

Shopping at Primark won’t make you unable to get to the toilet by your own means.

And not believing everything you see on the news won’t make you a twat. (I told you this is not the Adver)

But the above, pretty much, is what the BBC and ITV think will make you lose your marbles.

The other thing that annoyed me, not as much as the above, was a new government warning ad on drinking, where a woman appears see thru in the ad and all the woes available in a medical dictionary are demonstrated in very clever graphics’ while she and a friend polish off a bottle of plonk ( 2 glasses each).

I don’t know why the same type of brew we, as a species have drunk for the last 2 or 3 thousand years now turns the youth of today indo dickheads.

I don’t know why 10% of society thinks they know what’s best for the 80% of us who like getting shit faced or just like a tipple and think they can get away with it.

I don’t know why the powers that be, the BBC and HM Gov, think it’s ok to preach morals based on god only knows what, to the masses when the powers that be are so obviously morally bankrupt themselves.

So why, oh why (angry of Tonbridge Wells kicking in there) do the government, or the BBC/ITV..Same thing really, think it is ok, or think we are going to swallow it whole, to show two old people dealing with a dire medical condition, in order to encourage us to be the prodigy of Husain fucking Bolt. You tell me.

Well I do know actually...we let them and we soak it all in like sponges.

I told you it wasn’t the Adver. Sorry.

Greedy UK politicians = Greedy bastards.

Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back.
Im really sorry it should never have happened.
Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened.
Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back.


I bet after reading/ scrolling through this far you are starting to feel how I do about the words I’m hearing daily on the news. MP’s apologies given so sincerely seem to be 10 a penny.
Maybe ‘I’m sorry I got caught…. I’ve been doing it so long I thought no one would ever find out’ is more apt. Working within the rules seems pretty lame too, considering who set the rules.

You may remember this subject has been covered here before, so I’m not going to bang on, but this situation is disgraceful and really needs to be dealt with.

You try going into Tesco's, helping yourself to what you want and walking out and telling some burly bald bruiser security monkey, ‘. Im really sorry it should never have happened. Im sorry and I’ll pay it back.’ And see how you fare. Nuff said.

I'm back.

Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.
I had thought of giving up on this blog, but the thought of it annoying at least one person has given me the will to carry on, well this post any way. One day at a time, as they say. People with bigger problems than me. I think.

Mind you, us bloggers may be swamped by the professional journos on this site, half the Adver team seem to be posting stuff, the other half no doubt making sure the copy is up to the non controversial/ever so careful style of writing the Adver is so fond of. (I’m still sulking that I had a piece deleted due to its unsuitable nature on a family website.)

However having got that off my chest, it seems that being back to work, as I am, brings out the urge to write things down. I have and I know many others have, been off for three months. I’ve now been back now for a week.

Being off work, while being paid not to work for Honda has its benefits.

1/ you can go to bed when you like. Every nights a Saturday night

2/ you can get up when you like. Every mornings a Sunday morning.

3/ you don’t have to worry about all the little jobs you have been meaning to do around the house for ages, because you did them in the first two weeks.

4/you can watch so much Jeremy Kyle/Trisha that you will never want to see it ever again.

5/the house is always spotless. You become a ‘metro-sexual’ doing house work and develop mild OCD. Having everything ‘just so’ until untidy Missus’s or filthy youff's get home.

6/ you can take exams in English and maths that you couldn’t be arsed doing at school.

7/ re 6, you can feel very thick doing this. And clever when you pass.

8/You can do jobs for cash that doesn’t go into the bank…like wages, but with real money, not a pay slip and then spend it without the taxman or Missus getting their mitts on it (so I’ve been told)

9/ you can apply for other jobs and wait for rejection letters arriving.

10/you don’t have to watch/listen to the news and get yourself into lather.


But being back at work and driving around in a truck, or whatever else you might do has so many bad points, even if you are grateful you still have a job and you really wanted to go back.

1/ you are genetically compelled to listen to Radio 4 and all its news programmes….and work yourself up into lather.

2/ somebody else rules your going to bed and getting up times.

3/ you can’t watch Jeremy Kyle/Trisha. Withdrawal pains set in

4/. You know when you get home your house will be manky

5/ if you want to improve your qualifications you have to do it in your own time, but you’re too tired/lazy.

6/ re 5, you feel really thick.

7/ rejection letters arrive and you realise you may be stuck doing the same thing forever. It’s hard to be grateful you have a job.

8/ All wages go into the bank and ‘the missus’ grabs it all. You get the payslip to play with.

9/ you start writing stupid blogs again so to let off steam at life/work and the government. Nobody reads.

10/ you don’t really want to work but now there’s no reason not to.


So that’s it. Three months in a few bullit points.

what a pile of shite.

Dumbing down, or up.

Who’s noticed the dumbing down of TV? Well I have and I’m annoyed.

We have cable telly, but I think it’s the same on Freeview and Sky, the renaming of channels for the hard of thinking.

It started with ‘Dave’ I don’t know why that channel is called ‘Dave’ but it is and that’s ok. But sooner than you know it, there announcing new channels…only to be revealed as old channels being renamed. Stupidly.
For example, Eden…a channel about the earth. Roughly. Then we get Alibi, a channel dedicated crappy old police shows, then Blightly…a pile of shite relating to all matters UK.
Now, instead of UK History, we get ‘Yesterday’, soon I wonder, will get Discovery Science being called ‘Tommorow’. Mark my words, the folks that own TV channels think you are thick enough for it.

Tell you what, when they rename any of the porno channels ‘Tits’ or ' Ass' that is when I ditch the telly and start reading books.

I read a book once. Green it was.

More...No work.

Being of the great unwashed and the ‘being paid to stay at home Honda types’ I have taken on the worthy role of househusband.
This new role has been briefly described before in the first of the ‘no work’ classic pieces here (check archives) but some of the detail of my new life here at the towers hasn’t. So here it is.

I have not made a habit of being ‘the person that goes for the shopping’ its not a man/woman thing or a her job my job type issue, its just that I am rubbish at it. It might be more accurate to say, I don’t have the correct attitude for it, because I can actually do it…. I know because I am now.
No the problem doesn’t really lie with me, its you, the public that are the problem. You think you own the supermarkets I go to…you don’t. I do.

Apart from always seeing some lovely ‘must have’ stuff on the shelves when I do the shop, and I am dealing with / getting therapy/being lectured, for that, the big problem with going shopping is other shoppers.
This week I, and I know this a cliché but this is true, the first problem I encountered was out of the many hundreds of shopping trolleys I could have picked, I picked one that one wheel had a mind of its own.
The wheel would attack other trolleys by propelling the whole trolley towards other shoppers while I wrestled with it to not.
Although by the time I had finished shopping, the mad mental psychopathic wheel was dragging its self away from anywhere I tried to push it, because unlike me, even the mad mental wheel who’d escaped from a murdering mad mental top security wheel jail, didn’t want to run the old biddy’s over that I wanted to.

The thing is, all I want to do is go around picking up the stuff off my very strict….. The ‘I will not buy cakes, liver or sardines and beer’ (things I like but are bad/detested by ‘The Missus’)…list. It’s as simple as that.
This is not leisure time shopping where I need to stroll up and down the shelf’s, thinking things like ‘ mmm, that might be nice…I wonder if there’s one at the back with a shelf life half an hour before the 100 cans in front, mmm that would be nice in blue. That’s everyone else.
No, I’m looking at an SAS type oppo, in out, get the hell home.
But you…ladies and pensioners that lurk at ASDA, no, that’s not what you want. You want to hang around the place as long as possible because your not burning coal or leccy at home if you’re here. No, you want to hang around until they start putting yellow stickers in stuff so you can save 5p and possible get a dose of food poisoning that will get you into hospital to save even more coal and leccy.

There are no rules of the road in supermarkets either. Its kill or be killed, push when a bit of courtesy would have sufficed and if you can, obstruct every other road, no, shop user you can.
The way I see it, if you need to give the section a good looking at to find the thing your after, you must stand in the middle of the isle with your trolley at a jaunty angle to stop anyone else (me) navigating round you. As on the road, if you are a swine, do not make eye contact with the ‘obstructed’ other wise some ancient primeval instinct of manners will compel you to move..And you certainly don’t want that.
You know I’m going to stop there so you don’t move.
This is very dodgy because its lucky I’m the writing type and will only start into the writing realms of the perfect psychological breakdown of a person who if they owned a gun a terrible thing would happen and a town where that person lived would be having TV crews from far and wide turning up for all the wrong reasons.
Just passing thoughts and pictures in my..Going slightly mad head.

Suffice to say, that if you are in ASDA and a 6ft2 person with wild flashing eyes and a toiurettes type chant, with a trolley that is coming towards you, with no beer cakes, liver or sardines in it, you had better side step. That isle is MINE.